A Peek Through the Midnight Glass
by BellsNGems
Summary: One-shot. Just the musings of our favorite vampire one afternoon in Bella's kitchen. We all know Edward overthinks everything. This time it's no different as he gazes at the love of his existence.


Written January 2, 2009

So...over the holiday break, Christmas for me :), I've been going through quite the writer's block. :( Ugh...But in one of my attempts to further another chapter for Taken, I thought of this fic :) Hope you enjoy!

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It was a peaceful afternoon when I found myself sitting in one of her unmatched chairs. I was with my Bella in her homely kitchen. Charlie hadn't come home just yet and I still had about an hour, I supposed, to spend with my beautiful tiger-kitten before he did come back.

I loved my time alone with her. I know it seems like we were attached at the hip completely, but I always craved actual _alone_ time. She was always by my side, but a lot of that time there were many others around us. At school I had to endure the many thoughts of jealous people like Jessica and Lauren, who envied her for many reasons—the lesser one was because she was _my_ girlfriend. I couldn't believe that bothered the petty girls. Like _I _had chosen her! Internally I scoffed at their reasoning. Of course I never told her about this. There was no need to burden Bella with their petty feelings. But I always did manage to be extra _perfect_, as Bella called it, when we were around them. If they were going to be jealous they should be jealous because no one was ever going to love them with the intensity that I loved her with.

And then there was Mike Newton, who was jealous because she had said yes to _me_. That particular jealousy from him I didn't mind so much though. I was petty for thinking of my triumph over that generic boy, but I justified it in the fact that I wanted the whole world to know that she had accepted me, that she had said _yes _to _me,_ and that others be damned!

I knew my eyes were tender as I smiled at her when she closed her book, having been done with her Trigonometry homework....I couldn't believe she was mine. I could only give my metaphorical heart to her only too willingly because I loved her so much, but it was always so unbelievable to think that she felt the same for me. I smiled again. Bella was extraordinarily strange.

I sighed, again wishing time slowed to the slowest of crawls when we were alone together. But it always seemed to have the opposite effect. Flying by when I _was_ with her, and going nearly impossibly slow when I was _away_ from her. School took up a lot of my time with Bella. Of course I had mostly every class with her now, but it's not like I could enjoy it by telling her how much she meant to me, or by holding her close. I had to pretend to be human and listen to the teachers that could not teach me anything I didn't already know. I had to satisfy myself with holding her hand when I wanted to hold _all_ of her. It had to suffice to twirl a stray lock of her chocolate hair in between my fingers when I wanted to run my hands all the way through her soft strands. Other than school, which was no longer so tedious because she was with me, it was Charlie who kept us apart. I only had a couple hours during the day after school before he came home from the station, and after that I only had another couple hours before she fell asleep after I came back to her later in the evening.

Suddenly I chuckled. She looked up at me with curiosity leaking out of her wide liquid brown eyes. "What's so funny?" she asked. Her brows slanted in bewilderment. I kissed her forehead, my cold lips lingered around her warmth in answer. My stare was tender, gentle, as it couldn't help but be when I gazed at her. I didn't answer because I was thinking about that day in biology; it was the same day Mike Newton asked if she wanted to go to the girl's choice dance with him. I hadn't looked at her for a month before that day, thinking myself too weak to withstand one of the powers she had over me. She had looked so beautiful, flushed deep crimson, her hair covering the side of her face that was facing me. I was so pleased to hear her reject him, even if that rejection came as gently as she brought it. My gaze throughout the lesson had made her nervous. She kept twitching in her seat, twirling her hair in her delicate fingers.

Thinking back on those moments is a bit strange because I remember how much I thirsted for her, too. I don't know _how_ I could have ever thought that I could take her life away to satisfy that hunger, which seemed so petty when my reward was her life kept intact. Of course I _remembered_ the feeling—I always would; the scorching of my throat, but I can't understand how I could have ever done it when she meant too much to me, even from the beginning. I didn't want to fathom—not now, how I could have so easily ended her life right then and there if I had been less..._practiced_ in the denial of my natural thirst.

My utter coldness and rudeness towards her during those weeks after Tyler's van nearly killed her was truly inexcusable. It was a sin, probably punishable by death, to of been so ill-mannered with her. I still firmly believe that she's far too good for a monster like me, but regardless of that—and I know I'm being far too irresponsible—I'll be here until she no longer wishes my presence in her life. I silently wished, hoped, that would never be the case.

I recalled that day that she had finally said _yes_ to me. It was the morning after I had spend the first night in her home. Watching her sleep, unbeknownst to her, and being fascinated by it. She had agreed to going to Seattle with me—of course we did not end up going to the city. We had a much more interesting day that Saturday. One of the happiest ones of my existence, and I knew it was the same for her. The thought brought a wide smile to my face. After that, I counted all the _yeses _she gave me as my own personal blessings from the heavens. I don't know what I had done to deserve such grandness, but I hoped it wouldn't be taken away, even though I would always give her the choice.

Her little heartbeat was the only thing I could hear for miles away. Well, I could hear other things, of course: The sway of bird's wings flying over head. A stray cat's meow. Smaller creatures making their way in the dirt floor of the woodsy area behind Bella's house. But her precious heart was what I tuned to the most. What I was _always _the most attuned to.

Right now it was calm, even. Other than accelerated when I excited her in good ways, this was how I liked it the most. Calm and peaceful.

She was starting to gather ingredients for Charlie's dinner. It was his birthday today and she was trying hard to make a good meal for the occasion. Because of his work schedule they couldn't go out until the weekend. I knew she was trying to make the best of it for now, for her father. I smiled at her but she was too preoccupied to see. She was slicing cooked potatoes for a potato salad. I wasn't sure if she should be so trusting with a knife that close to her, but I knew she probably wouldn't want my help if I voiced that out loud, even if I had excellent culinary skills.—Something I had picked up from watching hours of the Food Network, since I obviously had to have them now that Bella was in my life.

Intending to help her, I got up from my place on the chair, without noise as usual, and walked up to her. She seemed to of remembered all of a sudden to add something else to the salad she was putting together because she outstretched her left arm to reach for something in the cabinet over head. Her little brown shirt with the pocket on the top left had raised up an inch and I wrapped my arm around the warm skin of her waist. She gasped at the sudden coldness of me. I frowned at that. Her heart skipped a couple beats. I shouldn't have startled her. I should have known better, especially because she was still holding that knife in her right hand. Of course she dropped it, and of course it sliced through her translucent skin as it went down her thin fingers. With my quick, inhuman reflex I snatched it up before it could fall to the floor with a clang.

I heard her gasp, and instinctively my jaw clenched tight, my posture going rigid as the sudden great, powerful scent of her blood swirled in the air around me, so tangible I could almost see it. I saw red blurs around the edges, but they weren't very strong. In fact I wasn't sure I _did_ actually see it, all I knew was that her scent, her extremely potent, delicious aroma filled my very being.

Anyone else would have thought me incapable of resisting. Hell, no other vampire—with the exception of most in my own family—_would _probably end up resisting, with that delightful way she smelled.

A matter of just under a few seconds had passed and she was already looking for a towel or something she could wrap her hand in before the scent made me do something stupid—not that it would, but she was always over cautious with my needs. I placed the knife on the counter. I still stood rigidly where I was. She needn't worry though. For a tiny fraction of a second earlier, when her scent washed over me, I did feel the need to taste it, but I could not help that. It was my vampiristic nature to go to that platform before any other thought possessed me.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have scared you," I spoke softly, not wanting to make her uncomfortable in this situation. She made her way to the sink, less than five feet away from me, and had a dish towel clutched in her right hand, where I could still smell the blood flowing. She looked at me, apprehensiveness ever present in her brown eyes.

She bit her lower lip, making it red, which trembled as she tried breathing through her mouth. She was possibly the most vulnerable human I'd ever seen, but of course she didn't want to seem weak. "Edward, please, if you have to step outside feel free to do so. I'll clean up here as fast as I can." I smiled tentatively at her, again not wanting to make her feel unnecessarily uneasy.

"I'm fine, Bella, really....Here—" I ran up the stairs to the bathroom to get the small first aid kit from under the sink, and was back in a flash. I opened the white box and took out some white bandages. I tried to make my smile reassuring. Being this close to her blood wasn't making me cringe with anticipation as it would have once done. Like I've told her before; _it gets easier all the time_...

I turned the faucet on, hoping it would reach the right temperature quickly. I gave her another reassuring smile and told her to remember to breathe through her mouth—not that she had forgotten, but regardless she seemed better now. I took her arm softly, I hoped my usual coldness wasn't too uncomfortable for her right now. I removed the dish towel from her hand, intending to place it under the running water. Unexpectedly the tip of my first finger became tainted with a drop of blood that was trickling down. And just as unexpectedly I felt a low rumble deep in my throat. I quickly put my hand under the running water along with the dish towel.

"Edward, I can see that I'm making you uncomfortable," she said, looking in my eyes. She was bandaging her finger and I raised her hand in my own hands. I secured the sticky adhesive bands around her finger carefully but firmly.

"Never mind what just happened." I kissed her hand and pulled her into me.

Although I knew I could still kill her by the slightest accident; a caress gone wrong, or just reaching out a little too roughly, I still knew I would try my damnedest to never let that happen. I wouldn't care about the lengths I would have to go through to keep that promise. Her safety was always a top priority in my mind. I would suffer any punishment, the blackest of all if need be, to keep her safe, because my love for her would always burn brightly. Burn as hot as the temperature of the sun, as hot as the scorching in my throat, as brightly as the orange globe at noon, as brightly as her life and spirit shone for me.

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It's just a small oneshot with not much meaning other than Edward's love for Bella :) But I hope you enjoyed it anyway :) Review! They make me very, very happy.


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